symphony

Yesterday I had a song stuck in my head half the evening. I don't know how or why it came to mind, but once it did, it could not be dislodged. I thought perhaps listening to it would satisfy the craving my heart had to hear it, so I pulled up the youtube video, but that did nothing more than capture my attention more fully, enchanting me with the lyrical, poetic theology of the lyrics and the magnificent talent and artistry of the music. I was enthralled. A number of times over the ensuing hours I was drawn back to the song. It fed something ravenous within my soul.

It's a song that, though relatively new, I've sung a number of times to my God. "Your love is a symphony/All around me/Running through me..." My God's love for me fills every moment of my days and nights, surrounding me in beauty as the majesty of a symphony surrounds its listeners. It pierces to the very depth of my being and cannot be forgotten. This is true art, true beauty, true love -- this love is music that changes lives.

As I praised my God in this song, though, I began to catch a glimpse of another truth. What if this song isn't about God's love for me and my appreciation of it? What if it is rather about my love for God, and God's appreciation of it? While there's nothing in the song to explicitly suggest this interpretation, I cannot help but see the beauty in this discovery as well.

God speaks to me and says, "Your love is a symphony, all around me, running through me. Your love is a melody, underneath me, running to me. Oh, your love is a song!" What if -- maybe, just maybe -- God cherishes my love for him in the way I cherish God's love for me. Is it my love -- our love -- that sounds as a symphony in God's ears, filling God's existence with beauty and appreciation? Does God exult in the artistry of love that he sees going on among us? Does God crave the presence of this kind of love just as we do? Can I -- one person alone, and one very messed up person at that -- delight God through my love for him the way a favorite song delights its hearers? The thrill of beauty that leaves me gratefully speechless -- is this the kind of effect I have on God?!

As these thoughts came to mind, I could not help but think also of Tolkein's majestic creation myth, Ainulindalë. When I first read this tale, also called "The Music of the Ainur," about a month ago, I thought it one of the most beautiful pieces of art ever fashioned. In this story, Ilúvatar, the One, created the Ainur (or Holy Ones), who sang before him, "and he was glad." Ilúvatar delighted in the songs of his creatures, their expression of loving existence before their creator. He was glad. And though Tolkein made it clear that he did not mean his tales allegorically, I cannot help but read my faith though their beauty and wisdom. God was glad for the way his creation expressed itself in beauty because of love.

Tolkein's story goes on, "But for a long while, they sang only each alone, or but few together, while the rest hearkened; for each comprehended only that part of the mind of Ilúvatar from which he came, and in the understanding of their brethren they grew but slowly. Yet ever as they listened they came to deeper understanding, and increased in unison and harmony." Through the harmonies of the Ainur, a new world is brought into being. It is only the "turbulent sound" of one self-important, rebellious Ainur that threatens to upset the beauty of the songs of the symphony the Holy Ones have created in their response to Ilúvatar. I wonder, then, as beautiful as the melodic love of one disciple is to God, how it cannot compare to the unimaginably stunning symphony of millions, billions of voices of love in harmony -- powerful enough in their beauty to create new worlds and please God.

Remember, our love is a symphony. What kinds of beautiful things can we sing into being?

This Too Shall Pass

I've been a fan of OkGo's videos for a while now, and this one absolutely lives up to the high standard they've set for themselves. Amazing!!

We Don't Need No More Trouble

Advent Conspiracy

I know, I know... another video and no "real" blogging. But honestly, this is one you should really see. Give it some thought. Give it some prayer. Give it a try. I think we'd all be blessed if we did, and that's not to mention the many others whose lives might be impacted in untold ways if we were to take this seriously. Many Advent blessings!

Dumpster Diving!

Food for thought:

new take on an old classic

I just came across these guys tonight, and I'm honestly very impressed. They call themselves Pomplamoose, which is French for grapefruit... Her voice reminds me a little bit of Regina Spektor and a lot of Ingrid Michaelson. You should check out some of their videos on youtube -- both the covers and the originals are great!

The Story of Stuff

I came across this video recently and wanted to share it with you all. I don't know about you, but I'm sick and tired of the endless consumerism, discontentment, and waste that characterize our society. Here's a short clip, but please go ahead and check out the full version of The Story of Stuff. We do have the right to live rightly and the responsibility to live responsibly. Enjoy!

much afraid

I know it's only been an hour since my last post, but I just realized something I wanted to share. I haven't fully processed it yet, but I wanted to say it anyway. It's not exactly profound, and it's probably not something you even care all that much to hear, but that's all right.

One of the basic elements for me in this process of deciding where I'm going to end up for the next couple of years for grad school has been my fear. I've placed a lot of emphasis on my fears without completely comprehending why. I still don't understand why. If I follow the lines of thinking that I have been recently, then whatever decision I make would be based on fear. If I decide to go to Abilene, it will be because I'm nervous about Boston and don't think I'm ready for the challenges it will present me with. If I decide to go to Boston, it will be because, although I'm still afraid what lies in store for me there, I believe those fears need to be faced and overcome. In the first scenario, I run to safety because of my trepidation, and perhaps justifiably so. In the second, I take steps, trembling as they may be, toward my fear and have to trust with all of my heart that God will provide and will see me through.

Now, I know this analysis is extremely simplistic and does not offer a thorough picture of my inner turmoil (which you probably wouldn't want to suffer through anyway), but I believe its simplicity holds some truth.

Firstly, it makes me ask myself who I want to be. Do I want to be the one who continues to live a relatively easy and non-threatened life spiritually and emotionally? Stay in my comfort zone a little bit longer and give myself a chance to be fortified? Perhaps I need that and the nurturing environment that Abilene would provide, especially after the things I've been through over the past few years. Or do I want to be the adventurous one who seeks out ways to humble and challenge herself? Dangerous, I know, possibly very dangerous. But along with that potential for wounding or failure is the potential for blessing beyond measure. Is it justifiable or healthy to choose a path because I know it would be more of a challenge to my faith and because I don't want to back down from this challenge? And again, would this be a genuine leap of faith or mere stupidity?

Secondly, it makes me wonder where exactly these fears are originating from. "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." Is this hesitance a God-given gift to guide me in the right direction (assuming that there is a right direction)? Or ought I be anxious at all? I know that to most of you, this does not necessarily seem like that difficult of a choice, and in many ways it really shouldn't be. But for me it's not just about what school I end up at or even just about where that will lead me. It's about what kind of a statement my decision makes about me and my faith in God and His ability to preserve my heart and soul in Himself. I realize that God is able to do immeasurable and unimaginable things, and I really shouldn't worry about whether or not He'll be faithful. And as His child, He's given me boldness and the capacity to conquer all through Him, not this spirit of fear that I have been using as my springboard for decision. Shouldn't I be contemplating so much more than I am just how God could mold me and use me in each situation? Instead of moments, mercifully few though they might be, of sheer panic, ought I not rather have sustained excitement and trust in His sovereignty, no matter what choice I make or where I find myself in the future?

Some unfinished thoughts that will continue to work themselves out in my head, turning round and round so that I can see them from every angle. As I mentioned to my mom earlier this evening, being able to perceive every minute aspect of a situation is a blessing when it comes to peacemaking but a definite curse when it comes to decision making. The saga -- Decision 2009 -- continues...

Love: Angel Mission

I know it's a little late for this year, but think about it, please!

Got any gift ideas for Valentine's Day? We do. from Angel Mission on Vimeo.