Wednesday, June 22, 2005

pursuing purpose

Where is God when it seems like everything around you is falling part, when it seems like you're running in place and sure aren't getting anywhere? When you can't understand who you are or why you are or what you are meant to be and to do? Where is God when you feel abandoned, disillusioned, disoriented? Where is he?! He says to seek him and then you will find. I'm seeking. And it doesn't seem, oftentimes, like I'm finding. It seems like I'm seeking and I go one way only to discover a dead end or a detour. And so I continue seeking, only to find that I'm lost and can't figure out where I am or even if I know where it is I'm wanting to go. So I continue seeking. And seeking. And not yet finding. Maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps I am finding. At least through the process of elimination, I'm making some progress. It's just frustrating! Frustrating, tiring, disappointing, and frightening. It's frustrating because I feel like I do know where I want to go, I just can't seem to get there. I just can't seem to find the road that is open and can be traveled. I can't seem to find my way. There's a song that says "God will make a way where there seems to be no way." That's what I'm counting on. Cause I'm sure not finding it myself. And as Enya keeps singing in my ear just now, "Pilgrim, it's a long way to find out who you are." All I know is that I'm God's. I'm his, and he can do whatever he wants to with me. And I'm trying to trust him to lead me, to carry me. Cause if things keep going the way they seem to be going now, I don't know that I can make it too much farther...
Psalm 25:16-22 Jeremiah 29:11-14 Proverbs 3:5-6 Psalm 91:1-2, 14-16

1 comment:

laura said...

I leave this post here because it is true to how I was feeling at the time. It was a particularly hard day. But those are frustrations and doubts and fears and questions that I have, that I struggle with. I do want to add something to it however...

God is faithful. He has the answers. No, that's not quite right. He IS the answer. And I'm learning that. I'll probably always be learning that. God is faithful. If I will only trust in Him and lean on Him and look to Him, He will lead me. And He is leading me. God is faithful!